Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me

Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me
Available:
Author: Friends Chelsea's Family, and Other Victims
Pages: 304
ISBN: 9781455504657
Release: 2011-05-10
Editor: Borderline Amazing/A Chelsea Handler Book

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

"My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate."--Chelsea Handler, from Chapter 10 of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang It's no lie: Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out "dumbassness," the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Friends, family, co-workers--they've all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about them.

My Horizontal Life

My Horizontal Life
Available:
Author: Chelsea Handler
Pages: 240
ISBN: 9781455577521
Release: 2013-04-30
Editor: Grand Central Publishing

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

In this raucous collection of true-life stories, Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand. You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang
Available:
Author: Chelsea Handler
Pages: 256
ISBN: 9780446563536
Release: 2010-04-01
Editor: Grand Central Publishing

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

In these personal essays, the hilarious comedian and Chelsea Lately host reflects on family, love life, and the absurdities of adulthood with "cheeky candor" and signature wit (Philadelphia Inquirer). Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood. Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is good good good good! Chelsea Handler on . . . Being unpopular: "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy." Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up." Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life." Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."

Uganda Be Kidding Me

Uganda Be Kidding Me
Available:
Author: Chelsea Handler
Pages: 272
ISBN: 9781455599721
Release: 2014-03-04
Editor: Grand Central Publishing

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

Wherever Chelsea Handler travels, one thing is certain: she always ends up in the land of the ridiculous. Now, in this uproarious collection, she sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever. On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure. The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary, like finding herself stuck next to a passenger with bad breath, she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side-except for the time she loses him in Telluride. Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette, none of which should be believed, UGANDA BE KIDDING ME has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.

Lies that Chelsea Handler Told Me

Lies that Chelsea Handler Told Me
Available:
Author: Chelsea Handler
Pages: 392
ISBN: OCLC:729715635
Release: 2011
Editor: Unknown

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

The friends, family, and co-workers of the late-night talk show host on the E! network describe how they have all been tricked by her into believing tales of utter nonsense and behaving like total fools.

Are You There Vodka It s Me Chelsea

Are You There  Vodka  It s Me  Chelsea
Available:
Author: Chelsea Handler
Pages: 264
ISBN: 9781416596363
Release: 2009-12-29
Editor: Simon and Schuster

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

The comedienne star of the Chelsea Handler Show describes her experiences with misbegotten boyfriends, her eccentric mixed-religion parents and the working world, a lifetime marked by numerous inebriated misadventures. Reprint. A #1 best-seller.

Man Up

Man Up
Available:
Author: Ross Mathews
Pages: 204
ISBN: 9781455501793
Release: 2013-05-07
Editor: Grand Central Publishing

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

As a young kid growing up in a farm town, Ross Mathews might as well have wished for a pet unicorn or a calorie-free cookie tree to grow in his front yard. Either of those far-fetched fantasies would have been more likely to come true than his real dream: working in television in Hollywood, California. Seriously, that stuff just doesn't happen to people like Ross. But guess what. It totally did. Now, with his first book, Ross takes us inside his journey as a super-fan, revealing the most embarrassing and hilarious moments of his small-town life and big-city adventures. From learning to swear like a hardened trucker to that time in high school when had to face down the most frightening opponent of all (his girlfriend's lady bits), Ross holds nothing back. Oh, then there's his surprisingly shady past involving the cutest pair of plus-sized women's pajama bottoms, deliciously dangerous pot butter, and embezzled sandwiches. And, of course, how he's managed to turn an obsession with pop-culture into one-on-one interactions with celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow, Tiffani-Amber Theissen, Madonna, Michelle Kwan, and countless more without ever having a single restraining order issued against him. Infused with Ross's trademark humor, unique voice, and total honesty, MAN UP! is a mission statement for anyone who doesn't fit the mold. His hasn't been the most traditional way to build a career in Hollywood, but Ross has somehow managed to make his mark without ever compromising who he is. He is as serious about this as he is about Golden Girls trivia: You don't need to change who you are to achieve your dreams (although there's nothing wrong with a makeover every now and then). You just need to Man Up!

Life Will Be the Death of Me and You Too

Life Will Be the Death of Me        and You Too
Available:
Author: Chelsea Handler
Pages: 272
ISBN: 9780525511793
Release: 2020-06-23
Editor: Dial Press Trade Paperback

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

"In a haze of vape smoke on a rare windy night in LA in the fall of 2016, Chelsea Handler daydreams about what life will be like with a woman in the White House. And then, Donald Trump happens. In a torpor of despair, she decides that she's had enough of the privileged bubble she's lived in -- a bubble within a bubble -- and that it's time to make some changes, both in her personal life and in the world at large. At home, she embarks on a 'Year of Self-Sufficiency' -- learning how to work the remote, how to pick up dog shit, where to find the toaster. She meets her match in an earnest, brainy psychiatrist and enters into therapy, prepared to do the heavy lifting required to look within and make sense of a childhood marked by love and loss and to figure out why people are afraid of her. She becomes politically active -- finding her voice as an advocate for change, having difficult conversations, and energizing her base. In the process, she develops a healthy fixation on Special Counsel Robert Mueller and, through unflinching self-reflection and psychological excavation, she unearths some glittering truths that light up the road ahead."--

Life as I Blow it

Life as I Blow it
Available:
Author: Sarah Colonna,Chelsea Handler
Pages: 239
ISBN: 9780345528377
Release: 2012
Editor: Villard Books

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

Traces the story of the comedian's youth in small-town Arkansas, her relocation at twenty-one to her father's home in California, and her vice-marked acting career.

Uganda Be Kidding Me

Uganda Be Kidding Me
Available:
Author: Anonim
Pages: 329
ISBN: 1455586005
Release: 2014
Editor: Unknown

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

The Man Who Talks to Dogs

The Man Who Talks to Dogs
Available:
Author: Melinda Roth
Pages: 256
ISBN: 9781466822931
Release: 2004-07-01
Editor: Macmillan

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

Go to any unpopulated or abandoned area in any given urban setting, and you'll find them. Thousands and thousands of wild dogs-abandoned to disease, starvation, and inevitable death-are leading short and brutal lives in the no-man's-land between domestication and wildness, byproducts of the human destitution around them. A lucky few are saved by dedicated rescuers, and Randy Grim, has emerged as one of the country's leading dog saviors. After years of rescuing dogs on his own, he founded Stray Rescue of St. Louis, an organization dedicated to rescue and rehabilitation. These are dogs that belong to no one, the ones animal-control experts can't catch and humane shelters won't deal with. They are stray or feral, either abandoned or born wild on the streets, which means they won't come near humans and statistically won't live past their second year. And their numbers are growing every day. In The Man Who Talks to Dogs, journalist Melinda Roth narrates Grim's dramatic, inspiring efforts and tells the horrific and heartwarming stories of the dogs he saves, showing how this growing national health problem-controlled by no federal or local regulations-can no longer be ignored.

Little Nuggets of Wisdom

Little Nuggets of Wisdom
Available:
Author: Chuy Bravo
Pages: 208
ISBN: 9780446568975
Release: 2010-04-01
Editor: Grand Central Publishing

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

In this very first book from the man Chelsea Handler calls her "little nugget" and "assistant," Chuy Bravo reveals his hilarious, one-of-a-kind approach to life. Now anyone can live and love the Chuy Bravo way, thanks to this book and its little nuggets of advice covering family, finances, friendship, fashion, travel, food, fitness, and more. The book also contains the first-ever comprehensive Chuy Bravo autobio documenting his extraordinary life.

Hold On But Don t Hold Still

Hold On  But Don t Hold Still
Available:
Author: Kristina Kuzmic
Pages: 272
ISBN: 9780525561859
Release: 2020-02-11
Editor: Penguin

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

Delivering inspiration and "parenting comedy at its finest,"* here is one woman's story of ditching her fairytale dreams and falling in love with her unpredictable, chaotic, imperfect life Kristina Kuzmic has made herself a household name, speaking directly to mothers from the trenches of parenthood via her viral videos and social media presence. She is now bringing her message of self-acceptance, resilience, and joy to book readers. With a refreshingly unpretentious, funny, and galvanizing voice, Kuzmic goes behind the scenes to reveal how she went from broke and defeated to unshakably grounded and brimming with thankfulness. Illuminating the hard-won wisdom from a life always spent one step behind--whether it was as a high school student new to America, a suddenly single mother to two kids, remarried and juggling two teens and a toddler, or the unexpected recipient of Oprah's attention and investment--Hold On, But Don't Hold Still is the book every mother needs to reassure her that she's not only fine just as she is, but that she already has more tools and support than she can possibly imagine. Sparkling with wit, this heartfelt memoir is like a long coffee date with a best friend, or the eleventh-hour text message that gives you just the boost you need to get through the night. *The Huffington Post A VIKING LIFE TITLE

I Can Barely Take Care of Myself

I Can Barely Take Care of Myself
Available:
Author: Jen Kirkman
Pages: 224
ISBN: 9781476739946
Release: 2014-04-22
Editor: Simon and Schuster

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

Discusses the author's choice to not have children and how it shapes and affects her comedy career, and provides humorous advice to those making similiar choices on how to handle friends and family pressuring them to have a child.

My Inappropriate Life

My Inappropriate Life
Available:
Author: Heather McDonald
Pages: 272
ISBN: 9781451672237
Release: 2014-02-11
Editor: Simon and Schuster

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

A comedy writer on the televison show "Chelsea Lately" shares her misadventures with married life and parenthood, describing her relationship with next-door parents, her baby-seeking sister, and judgmental neighborhood moms.

I Like You Just the Way I Am

I Like You Just the Way I Am
Available:
Author: Jenny Mollen
Pages: 272
ISBN: 9781466838581
Release: 2014-06-17
Editor: St. Martin's Press

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

A New York Times Best Seller! By the actress, writer, and one of the funniest women on Twitter, an outrageous, hysterical memoir of acting on impulse, plotting elaborate hoaxes, and refusing to acknowledge boundaries in any form Jenny Mollen is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is also a wife, married to a famous guy (which is annoying only because he gets free shit and she doesn't). She doesn't want much from life. Just to be loved—by everybody: her parents, her dogs, her ex-boyfriends, her ex-boyfriends' dogs, her husband, her husband's ex-girlfriends, her husband's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriends, etc. Some people might call that impulse crazy, but isn't "crazy" really just a word boring people use to describe fun people? (And Jenny is really, really fun, you guys!) In these pages, you'll find stories of Jenny at her most genuine, whether it's stalking her therapist (because he knows everything about her so shouldn't she get to know everything about him?); throwing a bachelorette party so bad that one of the guests is suspected dead; or answering the eternal question, Would your best friend blow your husband on a car ride to dinner if she didn't know you were hiding in the backseat? I Like You Just the Way I Am is about not doing the right thing—about indulging your inner crazy-person. It is Jenny when she's not trying to impress anyone or come across as a responsible, level-headed member of society. With any luck it will make you better acquainted with who you really are and what you really want. Which, let's be honest, is most likely someone else's email password.

It Takes Balls

It Takes Balls
Available:
Author: Josh Wolf
Pages: 272
ISBN: 9781455511693
Release: 2013-03-19
Editor: Grand Central Publishing

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

Josh Wolf--one of the stars and writers of Chelsea Lately and After Lately--delivers a hilarious collection of essays that reminds us all what it takes to conquer fatherhood without sacrificing manhood. Struggling to make it as a stand-up comic didn't always fit with being a single parent. But Josh figured out his own set of rules--through trial and (frequent) error. Early picking up kids from school? The nearby strip club is a great place to kill time and bond with some like-minded dads. Want a drunken heart-to-heart with your son? First make sure there's no Sharpie around in case you pass out. Wondering where to take that special someone at the end of the night? Remember that no sane woman will have sex with you in a one-bedroom apartment where your kids are sleeping--even if you promise to be really, really quiet. Whether it's revealing the secrets to limitless hookups (hint: it's single moms) and getting rid of your children's friends that you just can't stand (hint: it's not single moms), or blackmailing PTA members and ignoring health codes, Josh is sure to impart some parenting wisdom along the way. Or at least have a good time trying.

Are You There Vodka It s Me Chelsea

Are You There  Vodka  It s Me  Chelsea
Available:
Author: Chelsea Handler
Pages: 176
ISBN: 0762452110
Release: 2014-03-25
Editor: Running Press Miniature Editions

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power—vodka. This mini edition abridgement of her bestselling book, Chelsea mines her past for stories that are outrageous and one of a kind. Whether she is convincing her third-grade class that she's play Goldie Hawn's daughter in an upcoming film or pretending to honeymoon with her father to get an upgrade to first class, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into outrageous situations.

Has Anyone Seen My Pants

Has Anyone Seen My Pants
Available:
Author: Sarah Colonna
Pages: 288
ISBN: 9781476771922
Release: 2015-03-31
Editor: Simon and Schuster

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

The best-selling author of Life as I Blow It documents her haphazard journey through America and Mexico as she embarks on crying jags in nail salons, mother-daughter road trips, Iowan casinos and single-shaming resorts. Original.

Point Your Face At This

Point Your Face At This
Available:
Author: Demetri Martin
Pages: 288
ISBN: 9780141974842
Release: 2013-04-18
Editor: Penguin UK

DESCRIPTION OF THE BOOK:

Point Your Face At This is a wonderfully entertaining book of cartoons and absurdity from Demetri Martin, the Perrier Award-winning comedian, and author of This Is A Book If you want to laugh, point your face at this. In his first book, This Is a Book, Demetri Martin introduced fans and readers to his unique brand of long-form humour writing. Now Demetri returns with an eclectic volume devoted entirely to his trademark drawings and word play. Point Your Face At This contains hundreds of hilarious drawings and visual jokes, showcasing Martin's particular penchant for brevity. With a sensibility all its own, this is a great gift book and an absolute must-have for fans of the brainy, ambidextrous, comedian, palindromist (and author), Demetri Martin. Praise for Demetri Martin: 'Highly inventive . . . Martin is a genius' Telegraph 'A refined sense of the absurd' Guardian Demetri Martin rose to relative obscurity when he started doing stand-up comedy in New York City at the end of the 20th Century. Later he became a writer at Late Night with Conan O'Brien and then a regular performer on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. In 2003, Demetri won the Perrier Award at the International Fringe Festival for his first one-man show, If I. He released a comedy album called These Are Jokes and then created and starred in his own television series called Important Things with Demetri Martin. Demetri has brown hair, and he is allergic to peanuts. You can find him at www.demetrimartin.com, at www.facebook.com/demetrimartin, on Twitter @demetrimartin, and in various places in the actual physical world.